really worthless ramblingMarch 3, 1999That incessant depression is back. I feel like I hate school again, wishing I was out of here. I spent most of tonight reading about AIDS and homosexuals. This reading was for a class, and learning the history of the AIDS was rather interesting. The problem is, I feel like I should be studying Calculus. But I ALWAYS study calculus. I spend countless hours chained to that massive book filled with integrals straight from hell. OK, so I'm sounding a bit dramatic. But I am really tired of studying all the time and concern for my grades is not what it used to be. When I think back to my first semester in college, I can't believe the person I was. I worked so very hard to learn and get the best grades possible. I got 4.00 while taking very hard classes. But now I can't get myself to really care if I get a high grade in most classes. I am not genuinely passionate or interested in anything I study. I don't know what it would take to make me really want to learn, but I'm not so sure that college is doing it. I think of jobs I might like to have but quickly think to myself I would have to learn this language, this software suite, this technique and so on. Why aren't we learning specific tools? Does that come later in computer science? Because right now I'm learning only abstractions of abstractions and algorithms that could be implemented, if we ever happen to need them. Am I at the wrong school? Do I have the wrong major? WHAT?? I wish I could get answers to these questions. Oh who cares, I'm going to go to bed. That's one thing I'll enjoy at least. Sleep. I just got to thinking before I post this. What do you think when you read this? I think I personally know most of you, so how does this make you view me? Does it change your perspective or opinion? If you want, you can tell me. But I suppose that if I were you, I probably wouldn't know what to say. Oh, congrats to Doug on getting his web site working, to some extent at least. The title banner looks kind of cool. ~ |